Empathy is one of those rare qualities that can’t be faked for long. It’s more than polite words or nodding at the right time—it’s about truly feeling what another person is going through. You can often sense it not in what someone says, but howthey say it—their tone, their pauses, their timing, and their willingness to stay present when things get uncomfortable.
When empathy is missing, people don’t always show it through open cruelty or cold indifference. Sometimes, it slips out through quiet, everyday phrases that sound neutral or even kind—but carry a hidden chill beneath the surface.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling dismissed, misunderstood, or emotionally drained, you might have encountered one of these subtle signs.
Here are eight seemingly harmless phrases that often reveal when someone isn’t truly connecting on an emotional level.
1) “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This phrase has all the right ingredients for empathy—a “sorry,” a gentle tone—but the message underneath is surprisingly hollow. It doesn’t acknowledge what happened; it simply acknowledges your reaction to it.
When someone says, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” they’re sidestepping responsibility. The focus quietly shifts from their actions to your emotions. It’s less about understanding and more about ending the conversation without consequence.
A more empathetic response might sound like, “I didn’t realize that affected you—I can see why that would upset you.” That version shows understanding rather than polite distance. Empathy validates; it doesn’t deflect.
Read more: 15 Signs Someone Is a Chronic Liar, According to Experts
2) “It could be worse.”
On the surface, this sounds like a dose of realism. People who say this often believe they’re helping you gain perspective. But instead, it often shrinks your experience.
When someone shares pain or frustration, responding with “It could be worse” can feel like a quiet dismissal—as if their emotions don’t qualify as serious enough. It’s the conversational equivalent of brushing dust off the table and walking away.
Empathy isn’t about comparing suffering. It’s about acknowledging that what someone feels is real. Saying, “That sounds really hard,” invites connection. Saying, “It could be worse,” shuts the door on it.
3) “You’re too sensitive.”
This is a classic phrase used by people who find emotional expression uncomfortable. It’s a quick way to flip accountability back onto the other person. Suddenly, the issue isn’t the hurtful comment—it’s your reaction to it.
In families, workplaces, and friendships, this phrase often silences rather than solves. Empathy doesn’t label feelings as “too much.” It seeks to understand why someone feels that way in the first place.
People who lack empathy often value being right or comfortable more than being kind. When “You’re too sensitive” appears often, it usually means empathy has left the conversation.
4) “That’s just how I am.”
This one sounds self-aware but usually signals emotional laziness. It’s a verbal shrug meant to excuse behavior rather than reflect on it.
Someone who frequently says, “That’s just how I am,” is often saying, “I’m not changing, even if my actions hurt others.” It’s a way of prioritizing personal comfort over emotional responsibility.
Empathy, on the other hand, is growth-oriented. It recognizes that being authentic doesn’t mean refusing to evolve. A more empathetic version might be, “I know I can come across that way, and I’m trying to work on it.”
“That’s just how I am” stops the conversation. “I’m learning to do better” keeps it open.
5) “Well, everyone has problems.”
This phrase may sound pragmatic, but it often lands like a dismissal. When someone opens up about their struggles and hears, “Well, everyone has problems,” the unspoken message is: Yours aren’t that important.
It’s a shortcut out of emotional engagement. Instead of offering support or curiosity, the speaker uses generalization to distance themselves.
Empathy doesn’t minimize pain by comparing it. It creates space for it. It says, “I get that this is weighing on you,” not “Join the club.”
Read more: 12 Powerful Qualities That Define Highly Intuitive People
6) “You’ll get over it.”
Some people use this line to comfort. Their intentions might even be good. But emotionally, it skips an important step—acknowledgment.
“You’ll get over it” jumps straight to the finish line without walking through the process. It communicates, “I don’t really want to hear about this anymore.”
Real empathy doesn’t rush healing. It meets people where they are and offers presence instead of platitudes. Saying, “That sounds really painful right now,” provides comfort that feels genuine.
7) “I told you so.”
There’s a reason this phrase stings so deeply—it’s not just condescending; it’s emotionally distancing. When someone says, “I told you so,” they’re prioritizing their ego over your experience.
Empathetic people know that mistakes don’t need to be rubbed in. Most of us already carry our own regret. What we need in that moment is not a reminder of our error, but a reminder that we’re still supported.
Empathy says, “That must be hard—what can I do to help?” Ego says, “I told you so.”
8) “You’re overthinking it.”
This one often masquerades as advice, but it can carry a subtle undertone of dismissal. When someone says, “You’re overthinking it,” what they often mean is, “Your feelings make me uncomfortable.”
Empathy doesn’t rush to simplify emotions or analysis. It recognizes that people process things differently. What feels like “overthinking” to one person might be careful reflection to another.
Instead of labeling someone’s emotions as excessive, a more compassionate response might be, “I can see why you’re worried—want to talk it through?” That opens a bridge instead of building a wall.
Read more: Every Time You Hold Back Your Anger, Your Brain Rewires Itself to Be Calmer And More Loving
Final Thoughts
Empathy isn’t about dramatic gestures or perfect wording—it’s about presence. It’s the quiet art of making someone feel seen, heard, and safe.
Those who lack empathy often hide behind neutral-sounding phrases that subtly deflect vulnerability. They keep emotional distance because closeness feels uncomfortable.
But empathy doesn’t demand perfection—it asks for awareness. The moment we notice these patterns in ourselves or others, we have a chance to shift.
Instead of “I’m sorry you feel that way,” try “I can see how that must have been upsetting.”
Instead of “It could be worse,” try “That sounds really difficult.”
Instead of “You’ll get over it,” try “I’m here for you while you go through this.”
Empathy grows through small, conscious moments of care. In a world that rewards speed and self-protection, slowing down to understand someone else can feel revolutionary.
Because sometimes, the most healing thing we can say isn’t clever or complicated—it’s simple, sincere, and quietly powerful:
“I understand.”
Featured image: Freepik.
Friendly Note: Spookysight.com shares general information for curious minds. Please fact-check all claims. 🌱
